


What's an Offside?

by beeezie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: HPFT, Football | Soccer, Harry Potter Next Generation, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 07:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4254408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeezie/pseuds/beeezie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being able to work together to explain the rules of football to wizards is, Dominique thinks, one of the truest forms of friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's an Offside?

Explaining the rules of football to witches and wizards was proving more difficult than Dominique had expected it to be.

She and her friend Hannah had been talking all summer about starting a football tournament at Hogwarts. They’d been heartened by how many people had shown up to the Quidditch pitch for the information session. She was sure some were only there out of curiosity and had no intention of taking part, but there were probably enough people to put together a real competition.

Once they could understand the rules, anyway. 

She exchanged a look with her friend Hannah, who made a face. “Let’s take it more slowly,” she suggested.

Dominique sighed and reached up behind her to redo her ponytail. It really wasn’t that complicated. “Each team has eleven players on the pitch. Does everyone understand that?” There were nods all around. “Okay. One of those players is the keeper. It’s like in Quidditch. It’s the keeper’s job to keep the ball from going into the net, because when that happens, the opposing team gets a – er - point.”

“The net?” a girl asked. From the look of her, she was probably a first- or second-year.

“Yes,” Hannah said. “In football, there’s one net on the ground, not three rings off the ground.”

Many of their assembled classmates exchanged bemused looks. “So being a football keeper must be pretty easy, if there’s only one thing to guard.”

“The net is much bigger than any of the rings.” Hannah sounded a little defensive. Dominique could appreciate that. Football was far more difficult than Quidditch. 

“And you can’t use your hands,” she added.

This revelation prompted a new wave of confusion.

“Then what do you use? Your elbows?”

“What happens if you do use your hands?”

“Why can’t you use your hands?”

Dominique and Hannah exchanged another look. She was beginning to think that they would be doing quite a lot of that this meeting.

“You use your feet,” Hannah said. “If you do use your hands, you’ll get penalized – what the punishment is depends on the situation. And you can’t use your hands because those are the rules.”

“So you can’t use your hands at all?”

That was her cousin James. Dominique had to resist the urge to smack the back of his head – she knew full well that he was at least vaguely aware of most of the rules of the game.

“There are a couple exceptions, but when the ball is in play, only the keeper is allowed to touch it, and only inside his area.”

Hannah rapped the board they’d stuck to the wall with her wand. “This,” she said, outlining the box in front of the goal, “is called the goalkeeper’s area. The defending keeper can touch the ball with his hands in it, and if you commit a foul in it, you give the other team a penalty.” She shot Dominique a look.

Dominique, who had been about to say, “Unless the ref doesn’t notice,” shut her mouth.

“What’s a penalty?” their friend Lacey asked. 

“You get to go one-on-one with the keeper, shooting the ball from this spot.” Hannah pointed at the circle within the goalkeeper’s area. “You can choose anyone on your team to take it, and if you get it past the keeper, you get a point. And that’s not just for handballs – you concede a penalty any time you foul an opposing player in your box.”

“Wait, there’s just one ball?”

Dominique sighed inwardly. This was definitely going to be a lot more complicated than she was expecting.

“Right.”

“Oh, so everyone’s a Chaser.”

“Doesn’t that get confusing, if everyone’s playing the same position?” a Gryffindor named Bridget Hopkins asked.

Dominique and Hannah exchanged another look.

"No, they play different positions.”

About half of the people sitting in front of them looked very confused. “But how can they play different positions if they use the same ball?”

“They stay in different parts of the field.”

A lightbulb seemed to go off for several of them, and Dominique’s hopes grew. “So each player has to stay in a certain area of the field,” someone said.

Hannah gave Dominique a despairing look. “No,” Dominique said. “They can move all over the field.”

“So if there’s only one ball and they can move all over the field, what’s the point of them having different positions?”

“Well, it’s a formation thing – different positions have different responsibilities. So, for example, the defenders usually hang back to protect their goal from the opposing team’s forwards.”

Hannah was biting her lip. From long experience, Dominique knew that she was stopping herself from further confusing the issue for their audience by talking about attacking fullbacks – Hannah had very strong opinions about that particular trend in footballing strategy, but those opinions were far too advanced for such an inexperienced audience.

“So how many positions are there? And how many people are usually in them?”

This time, James sounded genuinely curious, and his question was relatively helpful, so Dominique was happy to answer it. “Broadly, there are four – keeper, defender, mifielder, and forward. Of their eleven players, a team always fields one keeper. Most also field four defenders, three or four midfielders, and two or three forwards.” 

Dominique briefly ran through the conversation so far in her head. They’d covered the number of players, the goal, scoring, penalties, positions, and only using your feet.

That seemed to have been the hard part, because when they began to talk about fouls, the penalties for fouls, substitutions, and even yellow/red cards, their audience seemed to understand it – or at least most of them did to some extent, even if they also seemed to hate the concept of red cards. She could see that potentially becoming an issue.

Which, she realized with a sinking feeling, left them with one major rule to cover. Hannah seemed to be having the same realization, because she rubbed her temples a little before continuing on.

“So that’s a lot of the game,” Dominique said. “Now, let’s talk a little bit about offside.”

“What the hell is an offside?”

“A rule.” Hannah sounded calm, but Dominique saw her clenching her hands behind her back. This was not going to be easy. “Basically, what that means is that you can’t just hang out near your opponent’s goal and wait for a long ball – a pass. When the ball is played, you have to be behind or level with at least two of the opposing players.”

This seemed to confuse them quite a bit. “But that’s dumb,” someone said. “Doesn’t that just keep everyone in the middle of the field?”

“No,” Hannah said. “It only refers to attacking – you can’t be offside in your own half.”

“What if there aren’t two opposing players between you and your opponent’s goal?”

“If the ball is played when you’re in your own half, you still can’t be offside.”

“You keep saying ‘played,’” Lacey said. “What exactly does that mean?”

“It means that when the passer kicks the ball.” Dominique knew that this was going to confuse them – there was literally no corresponding concept in Quidditch, and unlike sending off, this was not anything approaching intuitive. “If the person getting it outruns whatever defenders they’re level with when the pass gets made, that’s the defenders’ fault.”

“Oh! So the opposing players need to be defenders?”

“I – no, but they usually are, because defenders are usually the furthest back. It’s anyone on the opposing team.”

“What if the person’s way on the other side of the pitch? Like, they’re on the left side of the field and you’re on the right? They don’t still count for offside, right?”

“They do,” Dominique said. “You just have to be level or behind two opposing players, it doesn’t matter what side of the pitch they’re on.”

“Oh.” They took a moment to process that. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, it’s the rule. And if you’re called offside, the opposing team gets a free kick. Er – they get possession from that spot.”

“That must be really annoying,” someone said. “Like, to have to run back on just because of how the opposing team pass the ball.”

“I – well, you have to be interfering with play. Just not having two opposing players between you and the goal isn’t enough to be off.”

“But that’s what you just said.”

“No – no, it’s if you have the ball. If you don’t and you don’t interfere with play, it’s fine.”

“What does interfering with play mean?”

Dominique and Hannah grimaced at each other. This was going to be a long, long meeting.

* * *

A/N: This chapter was written for Event 3 in the HPFF 2014 House Cup. The prompt was: _Writen about a friendship to remember that fraternal bonds can last an eternity._

The World Cup is going on right now, and my Dominique has always been a football lover, so this popped into my head. I hope you enjoyed it, and I would love it if you'd leave a review! :)


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